is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
did i just pee glitter
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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