hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
