I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
