i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
whose ass print is on the piano?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
