I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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