Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
