you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
