i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
