Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
