Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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