Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
