At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
