I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
