I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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