forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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