omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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