i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
