bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
