that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
