i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
