That's intense
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
