umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She's the barista slut.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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