I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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