I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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