Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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