youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize