sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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