halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
