Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
