Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
