Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
