It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize