we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
