god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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