So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
