Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
