I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
