I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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