i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
