4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
