Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How does it feel to date your dad?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
