What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
