At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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