Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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