I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
