I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize