I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
