he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
