this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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