How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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