tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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