I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
