so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
