I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
