Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
