a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
