i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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