Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
