Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
