I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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