Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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