i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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