GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
