so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
