It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is Oprah even human
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
