last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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